Posted On Aug 16, 2022,

MODEL MINORITY STRESS & MENTAL HEALTH

We all make judgments about the people we know or meet. We’re literally wired to do this. Our brains want to find similarities among things and put them in the same category.

It becomes a problem when we do this to people. You know, because people aren’t objects, animals, or abstract concepts. Then it stops being a natural tendency for order, and becomes a stereotype.

When we stereotype people, we unfairly put them into a narrow box of expectations. These stereotypes are particularly harmful for minority groups (aka the global majority) who are to be seen and valued for more than their appearance or presentation.

The “token friend” is a person of a minority group in a majority friend group. This is when they are treated and viewed like an outlier, even among their peers.

This friend is often used to make someone feel satisfied that they’ve crossed the race, gender, or sexuality divide. If you find yourself in the position of being a token friend, you know the pain of being painted into a narrow box. This weighs heavily on one’s mental health because they are not valued as a complete person. Here are the consequences of being a token friend and how to deal with being the stereotype of the model minority.

MENTAL HEALTH CONSEQUENCES OF BEING THE TOKEN FRIEND

There is an enormous weight on the token friend’s shoulders to “represent” all other people with whom they may have only one thing in common. This can result in worsening mental health conditions because the pressure is so great. And because they are often the only person who notices, they are easily gaslit and told that it’s all in their head.

No group is a monolith, so to assume one person speaks for the whole group is an ignorant move. It ignores that even if they have this one thing in common, that may be the only thing.

The myth of the token friend can have additional consequences when they don’t live up to the model minority stereotypes. Your self-worth can diminish if you don’t live up to the expectations of your friend group. If your value is only measured in people’s perceived beliefs about you, you can feel ostracized or alienated if you fail to live up to the model minority label. I’m not even going to list examples of model minority traits here because it would just reinforce them and I wish they would go away.

IGNORING WHAT IS REAL IN MARGINALIZED GROUPS

A prescient example of the harm stereotypes cause can be seen within the Asian-American community. High expectations toward Asian-Americans causes people to ignore the struggles this minority group goes through. Although seen as “model minorities” who are “good at school,” according to The White House, nearly 40 percent of Hmong-Americans, 35 percent of Cambodian-Americans, and 38 percent of Laotian-Americans do not finish high school. This is in large part due to systemic inequities that create barriers to education for immigrant communities, not due to cultural norms or other stereotypes.

Without being able to finish high school, Asian-Americans also run the risk of not getting a job that pays well. If people prefer to believe that all Asian-Americans are successful, they are ignoring those facing very tangible inequalities.

SPREADING PRESSURE TO OTHER GROUPS

As evidenced by the stereotypes placed on Asian-Americans, this kind of pressure and expectation is pervasive within other marginalized groups. If you are expected to act one way or perform a certain way, the likelihood of failure is greater, with less of a safety net if you do fall.

A false reputation of being the model minority will cause tension between other racial groups. Instead of using their experiences as a way to relate to each other, there is a wedge if other groups are treated as inferior to the “model” minorities. This is where respectability politics comes into play, or needing to be the “agreeable immigrant.” Groups are compelled to take on characteristics of the dominant culture in order to get ahead. Sometimes this looks like turning against each other.

We see this as different groups of people who don’t “go to bat” for each other. There is a huge outcry against legislation impeding bodily autonomy for trans and nonbinary communities. However, it wasn’t until the overturning of Roe v Wade that cis women became vocal about the very same issue, because now it affected them. Although each of these groups is affected by legislation, many people turned against each other even though we are fighting the same fight.

WHAT WE NEED TO REMEMBER IS THAT OUR FIGHTS ARE INTERTWINED, AND SUPPORTING ONE MARGINALIZED COMMUNITY WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT ALL COMMUNITIES.

HOW TO COPE WITH MODEL MINORITY STRESS

For the model minority label to go away, it is time to change the conversation. If you ever hear someone make derogatory comments about a minority group, educate this person. Let them know it is belittling to view people as stereotypes, not as complete, complex human beings. Additionally, find people to surround yourself with who show you this kind of care and attention. A few authentic friends are more valuable than many judgmental friends. We are all valuable for who we are, not what we are.

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS

Being the token friend is lonely. If you find yourself in a society where you are one of a handful of minorities, you might not have anyone to turn to for support. Speaking to a mental health professional can provide a safe space to share your frustrations and hurts. They can also help you think through responses to microaggressions or how to manage anxiety. If you need help navigating being the token friend, please contact us today for a confidential and free consultation.

Original Article: https://www.prospecttherapy.com/blog/2022/7/12/being-the-token-friend-how-to-deal-with-the-stereotype-of-the-model-minority